Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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