Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
