I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
