You're completely useless in the revolution.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
