The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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