It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
