words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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