your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
