after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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