My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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