he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
