I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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