allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
