Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
