I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
