Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize