Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
