dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
