i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
