I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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