I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
