she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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