omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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