FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
