...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
