That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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