I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
