what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Farmville is her only friend.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
