You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
