So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
