Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
