i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
