At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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