just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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