Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
