we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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