Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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