well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
