A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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