I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
