He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wannas sexs uuuuu
hell yes lets make some ravioli
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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