I CAN MOONWALK!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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