I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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