I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize