I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's Friday. Sex?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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