I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
