We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
