Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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