it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
