The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize