FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
