Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
