You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
