no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
