did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
