Pants 0. Shit 1.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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