Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
