i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
