I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
did you just send me my own nude
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize