so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
