How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
