Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize