Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
