oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
