One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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