Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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