it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My balls are so social today.
she told me i tasted like america
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
