and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
