So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
