my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
