My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize