yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
