Define "chronic" masturbator.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
